What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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