I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
