My nipple is on Facebook.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
