Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
a search helicopter?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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