Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
