it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
