I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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