Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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