In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
