I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
