I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
