the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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