wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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