oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize