i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
