just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
