i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
