Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
