does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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