Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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