i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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