that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
