He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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