It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
