she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
