And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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