oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fuck appropriateness.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize