Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
