one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
