girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
