I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
