Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
