I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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