Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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