she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
