Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
