I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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