think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
