i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
