I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
