listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
