I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
