i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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