So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
