dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
