When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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