I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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