shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
