I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
