It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
