My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
well you can't waste a boner
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
