no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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