i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
