where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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