Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
