I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
