in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
