So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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