Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
