Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
