remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
