Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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