Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish my penis had a tongue
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
