I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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