I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am available for nakedness
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
