why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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