Your face is a jimmy john
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
