We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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