I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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