i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
