My cat gives me a boner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
