the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
