is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Semen is not good for contacts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
