Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
