Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
