Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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