Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have fence marks all over my body
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
