He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
