There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
