no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no, he came in my armpit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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