Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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