OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
