I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
