Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
