Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
