Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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