If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
