remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My pussy is not your playground.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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