I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
