based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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