hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I need moral support for this bender
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
