im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
