So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
