the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dicks are not precious.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
