Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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