I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just google imaged poop.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
