Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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