So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i have two assholes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize