Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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