All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
