SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize