Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
