woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
