dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize