Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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