can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
