i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
