it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
