It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
