Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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