WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
