Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
