So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
