My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
